You’re hundreds to thousands of miles away from your partner, wondering what they are doing, where they are, who they are with and if they are thinking about you. Maybe you’re thinking that things would be much easier if you lived in the same city. You wouldn’t be so paranoid, right? A relationship would be way easier if they lived only 15 minutes away.
Well, I don’t fully believe that.
I think many people forget that an LDR isn’t that different from a regular relationship. Think of an LDR as a relationship before you move in together. You aren’t always together and you have your own friends, hobbies, commitments, school and jobs. The major difference is that instead of seeing your partner 2-3 times a week, you see them 2-3 times a year.
When I first started my own LDR, I had all these irrational fears; will he cheat on me? Will he find someone closer to home? Will he grow tired of the distance? Will he meet someone prettier, smarter, nicer, and more successful? And honestly, they got me nowhere. After being in my relationship for almost a year I have learned that these fears were nothing more than irrational and I was stressing myself out for no reason.
Figuring this all out took me some time so I wanted to share with you what has helped me in my long distance relationship to overcome my fears.
Think of your LDR as a regular relationship;
As stated before, the only obvious difference between your relationship and a regular relationship is the frequency in which you see each other. Thinking of your relationship this way helps to keep in light that your relationship is NORMAL, you just don’t get to see each other that often. Like any relationship, it requires communication, compromise, collaboration and caring. Without these, even a close to home relationship would fail.
Don’t imagine the worst case scenario;
When I was younger, I believed that if you expected the worst case scenario anything would be at least better than that, therefore exceeding my expectations. This is actually a horrible way of looking at things. 0/10 do not recommend. If you imagine your partner cheating on you or flirting with other people, it will plague you. Thinking about it will make it seem like a real possibility. Don’t do this to yourself. You’ll end up suspicious of everything, which can lead to distrust and fighting. If your partner says they are going to a house party, don’t picture all the drunk girls that will be there too and what might (won’t actually) happen.
Trust what your partner says;
Trust is one of the most vital components of a relationship. Like stated before, believe your partner didn’t flirt with every drunk girl at that house party. Suspicion=distrust=fighting. It’s a vicious cycle. In tie with this topic, TRUST THAT YOUR PARTNER LOVES YOU AND ONLY YOU. They would not put up with a long distance relationship otherwise. Believe them when they say it. They love you. They really do. The more you doubt it, the more they may doubt it too.
Believe that you are (more than) good enough for your partner;
This is one of the most important things I have learned thus far; believing that you are deserving of love. You are this incredibly fascinating human being and your partner also thinks that. How else would you have caught their attention? Why else would they disregard the miles between you just to be able to see you a few times a year? You are special. You are amazing. You are interesting and smart. You are you and they LOVE that. Be confident and not fear that they are going to find someone better than you.
Have a life outside of your relationship;
When I first started dating my SO, I would put off my studies, stay home instead of going out and worry if I was too busy to talk to him. I was scared that maybe if I was too busy he would grow bored and leave me. Your SO knows you have a life away from them. That’s the great thing about LDRs. You can continue to grow independently. Do not give up your life to live online with them.
I hope this post hasn’t been too lengthy and I hope you can take some useful advice from it! LDRs can be scary… but I really think they are some of the most beautiful relationships.